I'm reflecting on what March was like with everything that has been going on. I find reflection to be a powerful tool at my disposal for managing my mood and outlook on life.
Money is tight, and I might be up for a position at Lowe's. I may have mentioned this already, but I was sent home without pay from the job I was most recently hired at (Mathnasium). When I look at jobs in retail and customer service, lately I make a point of checking out the careers page with the company to see what jobs they have in corporate and maybe find a goal or line of work to try and move towards since my original plans for graduation and career and didn't work out. So far, I have been looking into store planning and data science (different things but I'll make that decision when it actually comes). In my gut it feels unwise to be looking for work, but I need an income and I have always cared about my career. Besides freaking out over when and how I will work, March has been a lot of sitting back and getting my mental health in order. I feel lucky and smiled down upon to have a psychiatrist and therapist that step up to the plate to meet the needs of their clients online and over the phone. It's one of the few things that keeps me feeling connected to the outside world.
I care a lot about having relationships. My therapist suggested group therapy to help me identify and contribute to healthier relationships. I was looking forward to starting my job so that I could start paying for that and doing some work on having healthier relationships. I had fewer meltdowns in March than in February or January, but altogether I think that I am just in shock and the gravity of the situtation is sinking in all too slowly. Like in an eerie and suspenseful way. There is a kind of depression and anxiety that is around the house, but my mom and my sisiters are at least open about the feeling. Maybe it is just me and my depression, but they let my feelings pass naturally instead of trying to chase them away.
This month I have a few goals: to create a big idea board for Arbour Day, do some reading/research on environmental issues (this pandemic as a result of changing climate and ecosystems being one of them--I want to know all about that and any advocacy or research with aims to counteract how the earth is rapidly change or at least adapt to it responsibly), and I had goals to take better care of my medical health....but appointments are being postponed and rescheduled except for emergencies. It kind of sucks to have recurring pain and it not be an emergency. It's just that I don't have the quality of life that I once had. It's hard to manage that pain, and even when I am managing the pain, it's hard to cope with the changes that were necessary to get to that place of pain management.
I know one things to be grateful for is my friends and family. They keep me sane. Focusing on my writing helps, too. Reflecting back on this month, what has gone right for you? How is better then previous months? What plans are you making for this month to get organized and centered?
Will write again soon.
peace,
Faith
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