It's not that I have been too busy to write. It's just that I have nothing to say.
I started a job with an "essential retailer" and it's crazy the number of vacuums, microwaves, and vanities are broken or need upgrading. People are at home and they want where they live to be nice. Meanwhile in my own home we have a broken dishwasher, microwave, and door. It's interesting how I can be providing essential products to customers but not have access to what is "essential" myself. At least payday was today.
I don't really like working. I never really felt like I worked at a place that cared about me, but certainly now I have never felt more unsafe and paranoid working. Taking medicine and writing in my journals to cope has been helping but I worry that I'm not taking enough care of myself. I'm a worrier.
I am trying to stay connected. I have a friend that I talk to regularly on the phone and another few friends that I text regularly, but it isn't feeling like enough these days. I always considered myself an introvert but maybe I am an extrovert, or ambi. Or maybe I still have deep-seated traumas and beliefs that are messing with me and causing me to be lonely.
I started a job with an "essential retailer" and it's crazy the number of vacuums, microwaves, and vanities are broken or need upgrading. People are at home and they want where they live to be nice. Meanwhile in my own home we have a broken dishwasher, microwave, and door. It's interesting how I can be providing essential products to customers but not have access to what is "essential" myself. At least payday was today.
I don't really like working. I never really felt like I worked at a place that cared about me, but certainly now I have never felt more unsafe and paranoid working. Taking medicine and writing in my journals to cope has been helping but I worry that I'm not taking enough care of myself. I'm a worrier.
I am trying to stay connected. I have a friend that I talk to regularly on the phone and another few friends that I text regularly, but it isn't feeling like enough these days. I always considered myself an introvert but maybe I am an extrovert, or ambi. Or maybe I still have deep-seated traumas and beliefs that are messing with me and causing me to be lonely.
I hate that. I hate when I have difficultly separating my actual personality from the thoughts, feelings, and actions of mine that happen because of fear. I need to stop acting, feeling, and thinking out of fear, but it's hard right now. It's always hard. Do you have trouble with this?
It's so late right now, so I will go to sleep.
peace,
Faith
peace,
Faith
